This week I had the pleasure of teaching a class on Networking Skills to students from Marywood University in Scranton PA. I very clearly remember my college days when a "networking event" was a bunch of us allowed into the Formal room on campus to try to make conversation with alumni who could potentially get us a job. We were like moths to a flame as we flitted awkwardly around the adults in the room and made some pathetic attempts at conversations that didn't sound like we were begging for a job. We were unsuccessful and definitely pathetic.
I try to teach people what I've learned from my years of having to "work a room." I'm naturally an introvert--yes, believe it or not, I am—so I can definitely empathize with people who are terrified out of their minds at having to make conversation with people they barely know, let alone eventually ask them for a job. I still have to gear myself up for an event and get a game plan in my head. I don't claim to be an expert, but there are definitely some never fail things I do that make the process easier.
1 I wear something you like and feel good in. It's impossible to confidently talk to new people if you think that a pair of pants makes you look fat, that your tie has the remnants of lunch on it, or if your shoes hurt. You need to wear an outfit that makes you feel like you're hosting the party. You score extra points if you wear what I call a converstation-starter piece of jewelery (ring, pin) or a distinctive tie or scarf. It gives people somehting to say to you when they walk up to you..which leads me to...
2 The best conversation-starter is a compliment. Hands down. Never fails. Who can't resist liking someone who just paid them a genuine compliment? It's not sucking up if it's genuine and sincere, so find something about that person that helps them to stand out from the crowd. They'll then feel like they owe you some conversation and will take the time to get to know you. It's all good.
3 Listen to the other person. DO NOT scan the room looking for your friend, the punch bowl, or the closest restroom (unless it's an emergency). People love eye contact and feeling like they're being listened to. Everyone is an interesting person, you just need to show them that you want to figure out what is interesting about them.
4 Have your exit strategy at the ready. A few years ago I would go to some events like book signings, or business networking/chamber of commerce shindigs. Inevitably I'd get stuck in the corner talking to some person—who was very nice—but was never in a million years going to refer business to me, and was just leaching onto me because they were too nervous to meet other people. Ahhh the curse of being TOO nice. So I'd get stuck, and then ticked off at myself for being such a dope who couldn't get out of a bad conversation. So now I have my exit lines ready, and I ain't afraid to use 'em. My favorite one is to say: "I don't want to monopolize your time, so I'll let you go and meet other people. I've enjoyed talking to you, we should keep in touch." and then ZOOM, I'm outta there, and we're both free to roam about the room. Deep down they know they should meet other people too—so they really can't argue. You can also leave a conversation to get another drink, more food or some fresh air. Don't feel bad, if you really did like that person, I'm sure they'd be happy to chat with you further when you don't have a networking agenda.
The cool thing that the students realized the other night is that you can network ANYWHERE! All of us come into strangers every day, we just need to be open to meeting them. The bookstore, mall, grocery store, train, any place where you make that quick eye contact with someone and start a connection. Perhaps you are in the grocery store picking some lettuce in the produce dept. and you and someone else suddenly get a cold shower when they wash down the vegetables. Laughing, making eye contact and sharing the moment with them can start a bond. You can share a few words and might even start a longer conversation. Sometimes it happens just that simply. You end up exchanging business cards and might even start a friendship.
Bottom line, be open to the possibility. Having a genuine curiosity about your fellow man can lead to some interesting opportunities.
